Tag Archives: suburbs

Red Slobster Clumps


Let’s face it: every now and then you’re stuck in the suburbs, back in the abode of the ’rents or forced to endure the isolation that is your significant other’s place of upbringing. During those trying times, what little comfort do you have outside of home cooking? Cable, for one. High speed internet, if you’re lucky. Booze, of course. But likely you’ll be dragged to one of America’s many chain restaurants: Applebee’s, Olive Garden, Red Robin, Chili’s, Red Lobster. You know the drill.

Fuck all that—sometimes you just have a hankering for some crap. We can understand. Our favorite: Red Lobster’s biscuits. Unlike the endless bullshit bread they sling at you at Olive Garden, the rolls at Red Lobster are the shit. Savory, filling, and complimentary to just about anything you can eat. 

Not a fish eater nor a fan of frozen fish from god-knows-where? Here’s a recipe to fulfill your biscuit craving:

Red Slobster Clumps

2 cups unbleached flour
1/4 tbsp baking powder
1 tsp kosher salt
6 tbsp unsalted butter
1 cup buttermilk
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese

Mix all this good stuff together and then form into ‘lil balls onto a couple of baking sheets lined with parchment paper (to make your life easier). You’ll wanna bake them at about 375-400 degrees for 10-12 minutes, depending on your oven.

Then, mix this fun stuff together:

1/2 cup melted butter
1/8 tsp garlic powder
1/8 tsp onion powder
1 tsp dried parsley 
1/8 tsp salt
a bit of ground pepper

Once the clumps are out of the oven, take a brush and coat each “biscuit.” If the clumps look a little underdone because of your oven, throw it back in for another 3 minutes and you should be good.